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What Discovering My Neurodivergence Taught Me About Public Speaking: Tips for Leaders Who Think Outside the Box

By Dayna Kneeland

What Discovering My Neurodivergence Taught Me About Public Speaking: Tips for Leaders Who Think Outside the Box

This year, something clicked.

After years of working with neurodivergent learners in education, corporate, and leadership spaces, people who often process, express, and experience the world differently, I realized something I had never seen clearly about myself.

I am one of them.

When a colleague gently pointed out that some of my tendencies sounded a lot like inattentive-type ADHD, I was surprised.

I thought, “Really? I’m articulate. I love facilitating. I coach others on how to speak with confidence. My communication is one of my greatest strengths. Surely, I thought, that can’t coexist with ADHD.”

But when I started sharing the conversation with close friends who are openly neurodivergent, I got the same response from each of them.

“Oh yeah, I always assumed you knew.”

It was a mind-blowing self realization.

Understanding myself through a neurodivergent lens gave me language to describe things I had always struggled with but didn’t know how to name. And perhaps most importantly, it helped me understand the invisible work many professionals are doing just to speak clearly, stay focused, and stay present in high-demand environments.

Rethinking What Communication Challenges Look Like

Communication challenges are often misunderstood. People tend to think of them in visible ways, like struggling with eye contact, speaking too quietly, or avoiding presentations. But for many of us, especially neurodivergent professionals, the hard part isn’t the speaking itself. It’s the effort required to get there, stay there, and recover afterward.

Here are some communication-related challenges you may recognize in yourself or others, especially if you are navigating the world with a different cognitive or sensory wiring.

1. Difficulty with Focus and Initiation

You might know exactly what you want to say but find it hard to get started. You may spend hours planning, circling around your ideas, or procrastinating because your brain resists unstructured effort. And then suddenly, under pressure or in the final hour, everything clicks and the words flow.

This is often less about discipline and more about how your nervous system and executive function respond to motivation. If you’re wired for interest-based activation, routine planning methods may not work.

What helps:

• Use visual tools like mind maps or sticky notes instead of linear outlines.
• Try talking your ideas out loud using voice notes before writing or building slides.
• Use external structure such as timers or co-working sessions to help you initiate tasks in low-pressure ways.
• Begin messy. Give yourself permission to make a first draft that no one will see.

2. Mental Speed or Scattered Thinking

You may find that your thoughts move faster than you can capture them, or that you lose your place mid-sentence because your mind is already four ideas ahead. You might go on tangents, repeat yourself, or feel frustrated when others can’t keep up with your leaps in logic.

This is not a flaw. Many people with divergent thinking styles are synthesizing complex ideas or tracking emotional layers while they speak.

What helps:

• Jot down key anchor points before meetings or presentations to help stay grounded.
• Practice summarizing your key idea in one sentence before expanding.
• Record practice runs and listen back to notice where you tend to detour or loop.
• Allow yourself moments of pause to collect your thoughts without self-judgment.

3. Emotional Regulation Before, During, or After Speaking

You might feel a spike in nervous system activation before you speak, even if you are confident and prepared. During a conversation, you may suddenly freeze, shut down, or feel disconnected. Afterward, you may experience a “crash” or rumination spiral, replaying everything you said and wondering how it was received.

These are common signs that your nervous system is doing more work than people realize. The act of communicating, especially in high-pressure or socially complex settings, can trigger dysregulation even for people who are highly verbal or skilled facilitators.

What helps:

• Use pre-speaking rituals such as breathwork, body scans, or grounding movements to regulate your system.
• Avoid multitasking before you present or speak. Give your system a clean runway.
• Block off recovery time after intense communication to allow your system to recalibrate.
• Practice self-validation instead of relying solely on external feedback. You can reflect using questions like: “Did I say what I needed to say?” or “Was I aligned with my intention?”

4. Feeling Disconnected or “Masked” While Speaking

Sometimes, the challenge isn’t getting the words out, it’s feeling like you aren’t really there when you do. You might feel like you’re performing instead of connecting. You may adapt your tone or message so much to the audience’s expectations that your own voice disappears in the process.

This is often a form of masking, an unconscious effort to protect yourself from judgment or misunderstanding. It’s common for people who’ve spent years trying to “fit” into environments that don’t reflect how they naturally process and express.

What helps:

• Start with clarity about your intention. What do you really want the listener to feel, understand, or take away?
• Use practices that help you feel embodied while speaking such as placing your feet flat on the floor or consciously connecting to your breath.
• If it feels appropriate, name your communication preferences in professional spaces. For example: “I like to take a moment before I respond to make sure I’m really clear.”
• After speaking, check in with how you felt. Did you feel connected? Present? If not, explore what support might help next time.

Honoring Your Strengths

Naming your communication challenges is important, but just as important is naming your strengths.

You might be someone who feels deeply and expresses emotion with resonance.

You might bring vivid imagery, powerful metaphors, or strong storytelling to your message.

You might have intuitive insight into what your audience needs, even if you can’t explain how you know.

You might be able to shift energy in a room just by speaking with presence.

These are real, valuable skills, even if they’ve never been recognized by formal feedback or performance reviews.

You Deserve to Communicate in a Way That Supports You

What I’ve learned through my own discovery is that confident communication doesn’t come from pushing through discomfort or pretending to be someone else. It comes from understanding how I’m wired, honoring what I need, and finding ways to show up that feel true to me.

You don’t need to fit into someone else’s communication model.
You don’t need to “fix” yourself to be effective.
And you’re not alone if some parts of communication feel harder than they look from the outside.

If this blog resonated, I’d love to hear your story.